


break ups are(n't) the end of the world

by orphan_account



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Break Up, M/M, Post-Break Up, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, lots of fucking crying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-15
Updated: 2018-09-15
Packaged: 2019-07-12 17:34:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16000037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: It's unhealthy how Mark deals with his broken heart.





	break ups are(n't) the end of the world

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this as yet another vent fic, so no it's not good, and yes, it is being orphaned. it's unlikely that the person who broke up with me will read this because they don't even like markhyuck, but i don't want her to see this.

The notification burned into his eyes.  _ “I’ve been thinking.” _ It reeks of regret and Mark knows that if he responds, something will go wrong today. He opens the message.

 

**♥︎ hyuckie ♥︎**

_ i’ve been thinking. [2:47 PM] _

**Me**

_ About? [2:51 PM] _

**♥︎ hyuckie ♥︎**

_ can we break up? [2:52 PM] _

_ it’s not that i don’t love you i just. don’t want to be your boyfriend. [2:52 PM] _

_ i’m sorry i’ve been distant, but i want to go back to being friends. [2:53 PM] _

 

His heartbeat catches in his throat. The words on his phone stand out like they’ve been painted in red letters, and he can feel himself sinking into his chair. It takes him a minute to read the words, another minute to process, another five minutes to pull himself together to make some sort of coherent response. But how does he respond to this? How does he agree to end something that he’s tried so hard to make work when he knows it’ll kill him?

 

Looks like everything he’s been beating himself up over these past few weeks was actually true. He feels sick thinking about the signs had all been there: shortened conversations, obvious ignorance, less affection. He’d seen it coming from a mile away and yet he’s still this shocked.  He shouldn’t be.

**Me**

_ Oh. I can’t say I didn’t see this coming. [3:00 PM] _

_ The one principle you have to remember, Hyuck, is that I’ll always but your needs before mine. We can break up if you want that. [3:00 PM] _

_ We can go back to being friends. [3:01 PM] _

 

He feels so, so sick. And numb. He doesn’t understand why he isn’t crying.

 

It’s their 7th month anniversary, he realizes, and somehow that drives the knife deeper.

 

He remembers Hyuck saying that he’s his best friend and thinks that he was lying. Best friends don’t cut off communication and come out of the blue with a breakup.

 

_ Would you like to change  _ **♥︎ hyuckie ♥︎** _ to  _ **hyuckie** _? _

_ Yes _ _ No _

 

He’s glad that it’s a Friday. It means he has two and a half days before school to pull himself together. The first thing he does is mute Hyuck’s notifications from his messages and his Twitter profile. Then he mutes their shared mutuals because he knows that seeing their interactions will make him feel worse. Then he deletes Twitter altogether. He’s not sure if it’s the emotional instability, but he keeps going.

 

His second instinct is to text Renjun.

 

**Me**

_ Hyuck and I broke up. [4:01 PM] _

_ Actually that makes it sound like it was mutual. It wasn’t. [4:01 PM] _

**☆ jun ☆**

_ i [4:03 PM] _

_ what? [4:03 PM] _

_ you twobroe up?? [4:03 PM] _

**Me**

_ Yeah. At exactly 3:00 PM on our 7 month. [4:04 PM] _

_ I think I saw it coming, which makes it hurt so much more. I’m feeling fucking devastated and yet I haven’t shed a single tear. [4:04 PM] _

_ Was I lying to myself, Jun? Was I fooling myself into thinking I loved him? [4:05 PM] _

**☆ jun ☆**

_ ofc you weren’t. mark you’ve talked about hyuck so much that there’s not wya you couldn’t’ve loved him. i’m sor sorry you’re dealing with this aloe right now [4:06 PM] _

_ i’m scared for hou tho [4:06 PM] _

**Me**

_ Why? [4:06 PM] _

**☆ jun ☆**

_ i’m scared it’ll hit you hard later [4:07 PM] _

_ you’ve always been too good at pretending it doesn’ hurt until it’s too late [4:07 PM] _

**Me**

_ I wouldn’t be surprised if it hits me later. My depression has acted up in the past month because of everything going on with Hyuck, so I’m just waiting for when I crack. [4:10 PM] _

**☆ jun ☆**

_ what’d ya mean?? [4:10 PM] _

**Me**

_ I told you I saw this coming right? I really fucking did. I could feel him slipping away, feel him losing interest. It hurt to be ignored not only as a friend but as a friend and I couldn’t fucking stand it, Jun. [4:11 PM] _

_ I just. I’m gonna miss it so much and I’m not sure how I’m gonna move on. [4:11 PM] _

**☆ jun ☆**

_ you’ll be able to mve on, mark. youll be able to pick up the peces because that’s just how you are. i know you feel shitty because you had to sacrifice your own happiness for hyuck, but you’ll e ok. [4:13 PM] _

_ i’ll always be here for you, don;t forget tat, k? [4:13 PM] _

**Me**

_ You’ll get me to cry before Hyuck does at this rate. [4:14 PM] _

_ Thank you, Jun. I love you. [4:14 PM] _

**☆ jun ☆**

_ love you too you bad bitch. [4:15 PM] _

_ it’ll be ok. maybe not now, but it will be. [4:15 PM] _

 

**Me**

_ You were right. [12:02 AM] _

_ It did catch up to me. [12:02 AM] _

_ I’ve cried at least 10 times since 8 PM. [12:03 PM] _

 

The silence and darkness press in on him, and Mark chokes on his tears for the umpteenth time.

 

**Me**

_ Xuxi? [2:25 AM] _

_ Can you come over? [2:25 AM] _

**♢ xuxi ♢**

_ b there in 5 [2:26 AM] _

**Me**

_ You live 15 min away please don’t run red lights. [2:26 AM] _

**♢ xuxi ♢**

_ i SAID b there in 5 [2:27 AM] _

**Me**

_ Don’t crash and die. [2:27 AM] _

 

He eases his window open, being careful to prevent the squealing sound it makes. He waits, mindlessly scrolling through different games and installing them only to delete them two minutes later.

 

Xuxi pokes his head through the window and takes one look at Mark’s puffy eyes and red face and scrambles inside. He’s instantly enveloping Mark in a hug, and after a moment of shock, Mark shuts his eyes tightly and wraps his arms around Xuxi like he’s a lifeline.

 

“Do you want to talk?” Mark shoves his head into Xuxi’s shoulder and shakes his head weakly, trying desperately to keep the sobs inside. “That’s okay,” he mumbles reassuringly, rocking them back and forth.

 

Mark soaks it in, takes in as much of the affirmation that Xuxi is real and here for him as he can before he decides he has to let go.

 

“Hyuck and I broke up,” he says, wincing at the scratchy, rawness of his throat. He hasn’t spoken in seven hours and he’s been crying for a quarter of that time. Xuxi blinks, shocked, and Mark continues. “It hurts so much, Xuxi, I don’t why I’m so torn up. It wasn’t even like it was a surprise. I felt him growing distant. I kept fooling myself that we were just busy, but I knew.” The tears sting again even though his eyes should be used to it. He shuts them tightly, hoping it’ll be enough. “I knew.”

 

“That’s awful,” Xuxi whispers, reaching out a hand to hold Mark’s, rubbing it soothingly. “I’m sorry he grew apart from you, but that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you, Mark. I know you’re thinking that you didn’t try hard enough, but sometimes things aren’t meant to work out. It’s not because of you or him.”

 

“I’m not sure what to do, Xuxi.”

 

“Keep going, Mark. That’s the only right thing to do. Nothing will take away the pain, but you need to learn to live despite it.”

 

Mark thinks about the small gift bag in his closet filled with gifts he’d collected specifically for Hyuck. He squeezes Xuxi’s hands.

 

“I’ll try.”

 

He can’t bear thinking about Hyuck right now.

 

He’s not sure when he’ll be able to think of him without feeling the tears well up.

 

He only knows that the numbness and hints of anger are beginning to settle in.

 

The days pass by, barely any distinction from one to the other. Mark feels himself getting detached from his own reality, and he’s not sure if he’s ok with it or not. He writes poems and lyrics and pours the jagged edges of his heart into a new mold, designed to withstand more pain than the last one at the expense of feeling. He’s willing to give that up. Xuxi worries about him, but Mark brushes it off as him “fixing himself”. It implies he was broken.

 

It occurs to him he hasn’t messaged Hyuck in five days. But then again, Hyuck hasn’t messaged him either. He’s tired of being the one to initiate every good part of their relationship, so he lets it go. Hyuck probably has other people he’d rather talk to anyway.

 

The title of best friend gets tucked behind a dusty bookshelf and forgotten.

 

He hates thinking about the last two years. A year and a half of becoming close friends and then a little over a half of a year of dating. Wipe the slate clean, Mark tells himself, fully aware of how unhealthy it is.

 

He checks the notifications in his messages.

 

**hyuckie**

_ mark? [10:43 AM] _

 

 _Would you like to change_ **hyuckie** _to_ **donghyuck**?

_ Yes _ _        No _

 

**Me**

_ Hi Donghyuck. [10:56 AM] _

**donghyuck**

_ no nickname? [10:57 AM] _

**Me**

_ Thought you’d be uncomfortable with me called you Hyuckie now. [10:57 AM] _

_ Don’t want to be reminded of something you don’t like after all. [10:57 AM] _

**donghyuck**

_ mark [10:58 AM] _

_ don’t be like that [10:58 AM] _

**Me**

_ I’m not being like anything, Donghyuck. That’s behind us now. That’s where it’ll stay. [10:59 AM] _

 

He tries to forget about how much his love for Hyuck hurts. He forgets about the gifts. He forgets about the sweet words. He realizes now they weren’t worth anything, not from someone he’d already begun to lose.


End file.
